Dummy: The Happy Face - An RPG
A Review by Calehay
Download Here

It is very rare that we are blessed with such a special gift as Kiyoaki Omori's Dummy: The Happy Face - An RPG. Omori's awe inspiring work, which has been a big hit in his class, has transcended from the small private quarters of his lonely USB Flash Drive to the entire world via the internet to be admired by all.

Or, at least that's what this game is in the Magical Fairy Kingdom in a land far, far away. This game redefines the term "Newbie game." Nothing will prepare you for the action packed thrill ride you're about to encounter as you flee your computer to escape this steaming pile of crap.

The game begins with a "cutscene."







I only wish this was a practical joke.

Please note that this is the only real smidgen of "plot" this game has. Writing has never yielded so great a story as, "some dude opened a door and stuff happened."

We then join our stalwart spherical hero taking in the morning sun upon a mountain/lump of brown cardboard.

And arrive in what appears to be Omori's attempt to send your eyes to the seventh circle of Hell.

You haven't seen anything yet. Wait until you see it ANIMATE!

Omori has perfected the technique of making the OHR look like a Kindergarten paper mache project. As long as I've been involved with the OHR, I must say I've never seen anyone draw blades of grass as blobs of black stuff. We continue our quest to pick up "Red Guy," and go out from this torture chamber, hoping that the next map leads us to some sort of salvation from this madness.

It only gets worse.

The dungeons in this game are so spectacular that I can't believe that someone actually came up with them. Surely everyone loves unavoidable damage dealing tiles:

RPGs everywhere weep at this shameful display of idiocy.

Omori has created a wonderful new trend in OHR battle systems that only the foolish wouldn't pick up on. Why bog the player down with "choices?" What is this "strategy" that everyone speaks of? No! Merely make a fight command and have the player mash down the spacebar! How thrilling! Sure, at some point you get spells, but you might as well ignore them, as they do nothing but waste your turn, which comes up about once every hour.

In standard Newbie Game fashion, the dialogue reads like IRC chats between two imbeciles RPing, both grammatically and in subject.

I think that speaks for itself.

What makes this game gold is not what's in it, but what's around it. Need to find out how long you'll be holding down the spacebar? Look in the Bestiary! Need to learn some cheats? Go to the Cheat(s) ("S" optional as there's only one!) section on the website! Need to find out how to hold the down arrow to get through to the next dungeon? Go to the "Walkthrough" (That's not finished because Omori can't be bothered to remember what he put in the game so he has to play it over again!) I can only assume that all these extras have taken much more thought and time than actually making the game!

I will give credit where credit is due. If Omori is some 5 or 6 year old kid who's learned how to use the OHR all on his own, then I'm impressed. If not, the number of bugs and mistakes in this are ridiculous. Misplaced tags, incorrect vehicles, and the rest of the standard newbie mistakes. As far as I can tell, it's impossible to finish the game because of these things. Playtesting is not optional.

Throughout all of this muck, the game's score is excellent. "BAM" and "MID" have created a wonderful work of art, though it's hard to shake the feeling that there's some Wagner, Mussorgsky, and Gounod influence in there. Omori has credited the Public Domain selections that come with the OHR to the file extensions of .bam and .mid. Apparently they have come to life and plagarized works from dead composers! Be warned, that .doc file you have on your computer may start ripping from F. Scott Fitzgerald or Shakespeare! That .mp3 might come to life and start playing Mozart some day! That .png file is going to copy Van Gogh perfectly!

Dummy: the Happy Face - An RPG is not fit for human consumption. If you've played this game, you have apparently gone mad with delirium, and probably aren't reading this article. I can only hope that Omori realizes his terrible blunder before releasing another one from his lonely USB Flash Drive to the world.