Hamburgerman RPG
A Terrible Game Review by Paul Harrington
Download Here

I will preface this review by saying that this is, by an enormous degree, the least funny game I have ever played. I've been playing OHR games for seven years, and I've played most Terrible Game Contest entries. I've played the well known, classic "bad" games (Bo Hobo, Magnus, Fat Frog, etc). I've played Nathan Karr's games.

None of these prepared me for how awful this game would be.

It started simply enough; I saw the game's author asking for feedback in the Slime Salad forums. It was a badly written post, but that was fine. I'm not going to slam the guy for awful grammar unless it's actually unintelligible. It's not the best post, but it's coherent.

That's far more than I can say for his game. I followed a link to its download page, and was greeted with the worst game description posted on Slime Salad so far.

and another one of my unfinished projects, more recent this time...

Hamburgerman RPG: a tale of 2 heroes

one of my more screwed up games like the other hamburgerman games, you go on an adventure to find a plot!

WARNING! this game may contain a lot of bad language, as specified in the game hehe

item notes:
Fries and FriesG restore HEALF
Low fat and tofu restore MPORZ
XXX revives a character

Well, this certainly sounds classy. I don't dismiss the game immediately because I like silly games and parody games, and this certainly doesn't sound like it takes itself very seriously. I try to give even the worst sounding games a chance.

The game's major flaw is that the author forgot the universal law of comedy; it should make people laugh. Nothing in this game made me laugh, and if anything in it made you laugh, you're a bad person. Yes, I am judging you purely on how you react to this game. If you walk away from it feeling anything less than sad for the future of mankind, you are fundamentally broken.

The game's introduction is the least terrible part of the game, and that's really saying something. Read it for yourself, and remember; this is the high-point of the game.

It's all down hill from here. I'm being completely serious when I say that this is the best part of the game, and if that scares you, good. It should.

You may ask yourself, "Could this really get worse?"

You may ask yourself, "Could this really get any uglier?"

You may ask yourself, "My God, what has he done?"

This is a game born of the worst aspects of Arfenhouse and fetal alcohol poisoning. It feels like a Terrible Game Contest entry without a hint of irony. It doesn't say anything clever about bad games, it doesn't have entertaining characters, and it doesn't try to be anything more than a series of badly spelled curses and internet catchphrases. Possibly the worst decision this game's author made was to make it a traditional RPG, and executing this terribly. If you actually want to progress through this hideous game to see the next brilliant dick joke, you'll have to level grind against badly drawn, joke-free enemies for an hour. The only single good decision made in this game was the decision to leave the OHR engine debug keys on, so that the player can just press F4 and skip the battles.

What we have here is the least funny dialogue in an OHR game coupled with the worst type of gameplay design. If you think you'd enjoy a car running over your head, you may enjoy this game. It's a shame that the OHR community isn't as vocal any more, because Fieron should be torn apart for unleashing something this terrible on the community. To all the people who complained about the old community being too "mean" when responding to bad games, this is your fault. This game's bad and the author should feel bad.

I can at least take comfort in knowing that I am unlikely to ever play a worse game.