With what I hope will be the first of two review blitzes in as many months, I thought I’d start with a mass review of MeatballSub’s (the guy with the Chris Farley avatar) 8-Bit Contest entries. The following is a series of semi-capsular reviews for each game released for the contest.

The game that undoubtedly found its influence from a certain place, inspired by a certain forum, inspired by a certain Moogle, focuses on a certain slime that wanders through a certain 8-Bit forest lacking a certain name.

Though, for the sake of this review we’ll call that forest "Forest."

The slime, called "Salad," begins his/its mission with an opportunity to legally change his/its name to whatever the player chooses. I changed my slime’s name to "Leaf Head" not knowing I was about to assume a slime’s identity, rather than a head of lettuce as I first thought.

When Leaf Head (or Salad if you’re an uncreative traditionalist) begins his mission down a red-yellow-brick road, he is immediately confronted with a decision: Stare at the solid black mountains (or treetops, or citadels—whatever) across the fields, or wander off the beaten path to retrieve the jack-shaped power items that add nothing to his adventure.

Assuming he chooses the power item (as any healthy slime would do in his situation), he then encounters a new problem: He runs the risk of getting attacked by mushrooms, fountains, or spores, each of whom have no love for a lonely slime such as him.

Fortunately, each battle issues enough experience at the end that Leaf Head (or Salad if you lack a taste for adventure) can level up almost every victory. The fact that his coveted power items don’t work, therefore, matters little to the game’s difficulty.

Despite what a game lacking functional items might suggest, however, the valiant little slime does have a destination at the end of that red-yellow-brick road: A town at the edge of Forest called...wait for it...wait for it...Forest Town!!! Yes, Leaf Head (or Salad if you’re just too lazy to type something different), gets to wander around a town made of brick structures called Forest Town. And whom does he meet along this brilliant brick road in the heart of town?

Yes, he meets a slime that regrets his lot in life. Very rewarding.

So what does Salad Quest teach us about the human condition? Does it teach us love? No, the mushrooms hate our hero. Perseverance? If only the author had the time to draw scenery where the black void surrounds the forest. Purpose? Not likely, as a townsslime could not appreciate his unique 8-bit nature, and thus does not know purpose. No, I think Salad Quest teaches us something else, something that says, "We don’t need no stinking wallmaps."

Yes, it teaches rebellion. And that makes a game of its type dangerous. Be cautious when playing.

 The Goblin Prince
By Chill-e

The Goblin Prince, a game about discovering one’s identity, opens with a black screen—a sort of dramatic "fade in" if you will—proving right away that you don’t need a title screen to function as a game.

As the story begins, we find that the prince is all alone in the world with no one to talk to and nothing to fight. It’s a bit like I Am Legend, without the freaky mutants. It’s kinda sad, really. Makes you feel sorry for the poor, solitary prince.

Fortunately, the lonely prince has some nice graphics to look at. He has a lush overworld to traverse, with sprawling cave, mammoth palace, and quaint little village to explore. With an initial walkthrough, one could assume the prince has an indulgent quest ahead of him—once the world is again populated with anything. But for now, it only offers exploration, and one might rather send the prince home for a relaxing evening of television than remind him how he only has himself to talk to.

In all seriousness, I think the map design alone is an indicator of something special, once Chill-e (djfenix) starts adding actual gameplay into the mix. It’s certainly one I’d want to keep an eye on. Very strong, very nostalgic presentation so far.

It just needs NPCs to breathe life into it. Maybe by the time this article is published, Chill-e will be way ahead of that.

 Hedgemaze
By Newbie Newtype

What happens when you cross a game like the original Final Fantasy with graphics that resemble the valley stage in the original Rygar?

You get a hybrid!

You might also get this little gem in the making.

It has a flimsy plot. The characters look like animated fleas. The stats are microscopic. And yet, there’s something clever about this game, something minimalist and genius (but mostly minimalist) that prevents it from being a mere blip on the 8-bit radar.

I think it has to do with the items system. Yeah, there are other mechanics at work here, like weapons growth (from what I gathered from the readme included) that I imagine will operate on a level-up system once it’s perfected. But the items system is what makes this game unique right now. It limits the player to using three items between battles, which greatly increases the strategy of deciding when to heal, when to increase magic, etc. Whether it’s an effective mechanic or not (especially considering you probably won’t start needing it until about halfway through the maze, and even then you’ll only use one item between battles anyway), one cannot deny that it’s innovative. I’d certainly like to see what could become of this game when it’s fully functional.

It is also a game (or demo, rather), that’s generous enough to tell you when there’s nothing else to play. You have to walk into an open void with a single lonely flea wandering around to discover that, but at least it tells you not to expect anything else from the demo.

In the end, I think this is a fine addition to the contest, and more fun than the first two games on this list. If only the dialogue could let off the gas of artsyness. As of now, it’s too verbose, as if it were one of my own games.

Reviewer’s Note: I’m writing these reviews as I play each entry, so I’m not ready to say this is the best of the contest. Just the best so far.

 Bad Fellows: Knife Edition
By Shizuma and Gizmog

The BadBoss kidnapped Edge’s sister. Now he’s gonna pay, fisticuffs style. Welcome to a world where classic fighting games like Double Dragon and Bad Dudes meets the lame RPG format.

Heads will roll and fires will burn.

The game starts with a nostalgic dialogue system where everything comes at you slowly. Rather than flashing everything onscreen at once—the typical method of advancing a shallow story line—Bad Fellows adopts the old style "typewriter" approach where the letters display a few at a time and use CLACKING sound effects whenever a new letter appears, disregarding any sense of the phrase "word wraparound." It’s actually my favorite part about the game. You have to press Right-Shift to advance text, which is weird, but seeing that it’s trivial, there’s nothing painful about it.

As a thirteen-year-old, I loved going to the arcade with my friends to play the beat-‘em-ups available. We fed quarters to Double Dragon, Bad Dudes, and Final Fight, all of which were a blast for its time. But playing this game reminds me how tedious they were. Though the scenery changed, the gameplay was always the same: Walk in, beat the hell out of a thug, move on. Sometimes you’d pick up a knife or bat from a crate, use it to mangle your opponent, and move on. Sometimes you’d find a hamburger to replenish your strength, regardless of the risk your heroes had to salmonella poisoning, so you could live to fight another minute, and move on. But it was always the same thing every step.

Bad Fellows uses a similar strategy, though with menus rather than button combinations, keeping all the charms of the earlier fighting games, like breaking crates and oil drums, intact, but not with any sense of pulse-pounding action. It’s not bad, granted—it does get the job done—it’s just tedious.

The game succeeds as an engine of nostalgia, but fails to capture the original charm completely. This, of course, has to do with the RPG battle format. If this game ever gets revised, it would be a lot more fun if it used a custom fight screen with button combinations rather than the standard menu selection. Or, if that’s asking too much, it could at least benefit from having healing items that worked. As of now, the burgers, pizzas, and colas only tease the player.

Do I like this game? I appreciate it. Do I actually like it? I’m still trying to figure that out. Great idea, at least.

 Jailbreak
By Aethereal and Mister J

A ruthless, unnamed kitten snatcher has been tossed in the pokey for a crime we haven’t been told about. But the prison walls can’t hold him. Before the guards can even transport him to his cell to live out his days as someone else’s bull, he steals a gun and murders them in a hail of kitten-hating glory, leaving him alone to fend for himself. And thus we have gameplay.

Jailbreak is a thought-provoking action thriller that, unlike the other entries I played so far, is pretty hard. For starters, there’s no guarantee the unnamed villain can find enough ammo to shoot every guard he encounters. Secondly, even if he does, the alerts will sound if the guards spot him. Thirdly, if by some miracle he makes it through the first area, he has to contend with laser tripwires, which do not play nice if he isn’t in the right stance.

And what of those stances? He can stand (walk) or crouch (crawl) to get through various obstacles, including air-conditioning ducts. And if he needs extra protection, he can push crates to block off guard advances, if he needs it. He’s like a blue ninja with a handgun.

I cannot rightly comment on Jailbreak, however, without mention of the techno-creepy music that follows the unnamed dog lover around. Normally, a contest game’s music only fills the void. The music selection for this game, however, taken from Snatcher and Cabal (according to the credits), enhances the mood into something sinister, ultimately making the game feel like it’s moving faster than it probably is. It recreates a sense of urgency found more common in the NES days than it does today, and I think it works great.

A challenge to say the least, but probably my favorite 8-Bit Contest game so far.

Reviewers Note: I still haven’t finished the game as of this writing. I haven’t been able to navigate the tripwires yet. I assume I’m doing something wrong.

 Visio: Escape from MaskMaker’s Tower
By Twinconclusive

After there was the Mummy, there was the MaskMaker. After there was Brendan Fraser, there was Geofard, the man who would later be turned to stone.

And let us not forget his son, Aidon.

After there was a bunch of movies about archeologists and supernatural villains, there was Visio: Escape from MaskMaker’s Tower. After there was a play, there was this review.

Visio is actually a unique kind of game, complete with unique style of play. As Aidon, you must escape the dungeons of this castle owned by a creature with a dual personality. But doing so requires the aid of a series of stat-changing masks that one of the prisoners rewards him with whenever he defies authority.

By wearing a specific mask, Aidon’s perception of battle changes from being a wuss to being a killer. A guard’s opening stats will also alter depending on which mask Aidon wears. To accomplish this, the game throws out the normal OHR style of battle and replaces it with an older school model complete with bad writing.

But perhaps what really takes me in as an OHR user and general game player is the usage of atmosphere to tell the story.

First of all, the game assumes control of Geofard as he walks Aidon through the ruin, and does so in an animated fashion. Geofard "swims" as he stands, reminding me of some trippy ‘70s animated movie where every color shimmers like MTV chalk. He is anything but a dull, motionless, NPC. And every time Aidon draws close, Geofard responds, unlocking the next area of the game. It’s cool.

Secondly, the game adopts a hybrid style of adventure where the mechanics are not only RPG inspired, but pure exploration style, too (like a point-and-click without the mouse). If mere walking isn’t enough for you, then Visio will offer you extra interaction.

Is it a great game? No. But it tries to be. There are plenty of broken areas where wallmaps are missing (in fairness, however, the game tries to explain that), not to mention the last room lacks any means for moving on or explaining to the player that there’s nowhere else to go. It is also void of music, which could be the author’s way of implementing an eerie silence, but more likely has to do with the fact that he forgot to put any in. So, there are problems. But they’re not glaring enough to deter the player from liking the experience. Probably my second favorite 8-Bit game so far.

 Mr. Triangle’s Maze
By RedMaverickZero

Let me just throw out a gentle reminder to anyone who may have forgotten my never-changing Top 10 lists. The original Mr. Triangle’s Maze Madness is one of my all time OHR favorites. It offers varying challenges from picking the right escalators across maps, to picking the right boots, to avoiding the wrong robots. It’s designed very well for a maze game, holding qualities similar to the old Lost Vikings games.

Well, the new 8-Bit incarnation is just as fun, just as devious (Level 7 is nasty), and just as addicting as the original game.

The cult hero known only as "Mr. Triangle" (I think it’s a code word for "Billy the Conehead" but can’t be sure), is sucked into another skirmish by the Creator to outwit his oppressors by unlocking the gates to higher levels, escaping the horrors of the floors he left behind. And much like the original, he proves that a geometric shape with legs is a force to be reckoned with.

Navigation is simple: Move wherever the path is vacant. Sometimes a gate blocks the way. Step on the proper switch. Maybe there’s a pool churning between you and the exit. Grab a pair of blue boots and walk across. But be warned: Those creator bots will send you back to the beginning if they touch you (even if they’re diagonally positioned from you). If you get hit, the game will add the blunder to your "retry score." If you accidentally hit the escape button and further prove your retardation by accidentally hitting the "Retry" button, as I did my second try, you’ll be sent to the beginning of the stage and penalized with a retry count. And then, when you finally finish Level 7 (beastly little area), you’ll be humiliated when you see the number 14 laughing back at you.

And then you might have to run through the game again just to bring your score down.

So what have we learned about Mr. Triangle’s Maze? 1.) It’s a remake. 2.) It’s addicting. 3.) It’s frustrating at times. 4.) It’s better to end with a lower score.

In other words, Mr. Triangle’s Maze is the equivalent to OHR golf.

 The Adventures of Mikey T
By Meatballsub

Well, in case there’s any confusion, "Because he’s Mikey, incredible Mikey and you’ll find he’s something something mumble you can lose your mind with—Mikey is one of a kind." The title screen will remind you of this truth if you happen to forget.

The story, which one should make no mistake is true, centers on a family man named Mikey who is suckered into retrieving a hot dog from Dairy Queen for his boss Tommy.

But this family man is no pushover. He’ll beat up rodents, road construction workers, black guys in their own living rooms, and even women who happen to block his path to the fast food counter if they stand in his way. He is, after all, the Incredible Mikey, and "Mikey Smash!!!"

But he is no mere brute in a grease monkey uniform. Oh no. The pudgy thug has a brain. Throughout his River City Ransom style adventure, he will have to break into houses, pick locks with crowbars, grease rusty buttons, and even rebuild a construction beam if he wants to see the Dairy Queen alive.

Sometimes that means searching through drawers, toilets, and garbage cans for helpful items or carelessly tossed cash.

And every once in awhile he’ll be forced to confront his sensitive side when scattered photographs remind him of his Simlish childhood where older father figures speak in "Nicky Nacky Noo" nonsense (look up "Nicky Nacky Noo" on Google for an interesting history on joke poetry contests and laugh your butt off while you’re at it). Examining the lost photos awaken Mikey’s "Rage" ability, where controlled fighting goes the way of a tornado, but with far less power.

And when all his strength and ingenuity collide with the working riffraff of society, he reaches one climactic showdown: The Dairy Queen itself.

He actually faces a mob of angry burger patrons who stand in his way, but that’s less interesting, I think.

Mikey, the Incredible Mikey, is a family man. But he doesn’t let family values damage the fact that he only has thirty minutes to retrieve this hot dog before he loses his job. Will he lower his standards to achieve his goal? No, his standards are already low. But he will not subscribe to the ways of a lazy pizza deliveryman who just doesn’t get that thirty minutes means thirty minutes. No, as a seasoned grease monkey who values other people’s time, he will get that hot dog in half an hour, even if it kills him.

To be honest, I let it kill him. I was getting sick of having to restart the game over and over, hearing that annoying song each time. Some things just aren’t worth it.

Though, I must admit the climactic battle with all the Dairy Queen patrons is hilarious.

Cool game overall, but gets painfully difficult near the end. There’re also a few problems with map design, mainly with interior rooms shoved too far to the left and one of the back alley parking lots lacking a wallmap. Well done for the most part, but could’ve had a cleaner presentation.

Timestream Saga: Arcadia Incident Report
By Fenrir-Lunaris

The terrorists already won.

That’s what I would’ve said if Kyle, the wuss from OHR House: Heroes wasn’t such a badass in Timestream Saga.

The story begins with Kyle standing by an ocean, pondering the things he has already seen in another life, and more likely, another game. But his reverie is broken when the talking collie called Thellos tells him that the hostages are still waiting to be rescued.

Thus he returns to camp, where his teammates seem oblivious to the fact that the terrorists are already swarming it—in plain sight.

But then, there is method to their madness: Kyle is a master fighter. He can lay out a terrorist with just a couple punches. Does he even need his team? No, he’s Rambo.

As he lumbers across the battlefield, beating the snot out of terrorist scum, he soon reaches an outpost that leads to the terrorist leader. Inside, he drops dynamite down a hole, blows everyone but himself to Kingdom Come, and confronts the leader in a bloody, though incredibly short battle, to mangle him silly and free the hostages while he’s at it.

But then something happens. A thing with assimilating things next to him intervenes, finishes off the leader, threatens Kyle, and steals the hostages that the player has yet to see. This calls for a meeting with a robot called Omnius, a living debriefing tool that insists it’s not an "it," and a mission to explore the sewers of South America to find the hostages in what is a forty percent probable location.

And so Kyle finds himself in the sludge-filled sewers, traversing tunnels and walkways until he encounters once again the mysterious man with the funky reptilian bird-like Kothyls. And just like at the terrorist camp, this man, who has taken the hostages halfway across the world, still insists on keeping them (rather than any of the billion-plus people between the Middle East and Peru he could’ve taken along the way) for his assimilation experiment. So once again Kyle feels the need to engage.

Only this time, the outcome is not what he expects. Instead of saving the invisible hostages (that somehow Kyle can see, though the player can’t), he finds himself in a time warp where his sewer mission must begin again and again until the player agrees it’s a futile effort and turns the game off.

To which all is quiet again.

So what can be said of Timestream Saga: Arcadia Incident Report? It has great music.

Recap:

Now that I’ve played all the 8-Bit entries, I think it’s fair to give an overall assessment of each and add any last minute opinions I may have missed in the first-run reviews. So here is my game-by-game summary of each entry and a numbered ranking of each according to preference.

Salad Quest—

A rushed effort, doesn’t offer much to look at, doesn’t offer a story, but does allow the player to rename the hero. Kind of a waste of time right now.

Ranking: 9th Place

The Goblin Prince—

A great outline, but clearly a game that wasn’t started until about four hours before the deadline. While I’m sure the story will be great, there’s nothing to read at the moment, so it’s nothing more than a pretty walkthrough. Will probably be awesome once NPCs are added.

Ranking: 8th Place 

Timestream Saga: Arcadia Incident Report—

It looks nice; reminds me of Rush N’ Attack. It sounds great. Shares the spotlight with Jailbreak as best musical score of the 8-Bit Contest. But the action is limited. It’s barely even a spacebar-masher, as most enemies die in two or fewer hits. And the story is still too underdeveloped to call it great. Do I think this game has great things in store for it? Of course—if Fenrir adds more to it. But right now it’s just an introduction to something larger. And it doesn’t even end well. Okay, it doesn’t end. Will probably be worth your time someday, but it’s a toss-up right now.

Ranking: 7th Place

Bad Fellows: Knife Edition—

A faithful recreation of the beat-‘em-up genre with an RPG spin; it definitely has heart. The battles themselves prevent the game from being "fun," as they linger on for far too long (though, in its defense, the genre it mimics was guilty of the same thing), and the lack of working restorative items makes certain characters useless in battle as they die too quickly (that’s right, guy with a hat), and you’ll eventually find yourself running from battles and avoiding conflicts altogether because you just want to live long enough to see the end. But it’s not bad. Well, the "fellows" are. Obviously. But the game isn’t.

Ranking: 6th Place

Hedgemaze—

A unique battle system and reasonably nice graphics (considering its limitations) make this game one of the better entries. The story is flimsy, maybe even nonexistent, but the fun comes from portioning your restorative items, so it achieves some level of excitement. Worth your time.

Ranking: 5th Place

A strong beginning, but unfinished ending gives this game a dual personality. It definitely has heart and its author added a lot of creativity to it. But the grammar is lacking, and the maps, while hinting at interactivity and danger, fail to capture any true sense of peril (or interactivity). The battle system is very cool, though. This is one I’d keep my eye on if it were ever finished. Worth your time.

Ranking: 4th Place

The Adventures of Mikey T—

Don’t let my initial review deter you from trying this game. Despite the annoyances of fighting the same battles over and over (because Mikey’s "Rage" attacks still aren’t enough to clobber the bosses before they clobber you, and because the pizzas’ restorative powers are already wasted the moment you eat them in battles like that), and despite the annoyance of having to hear the "Mikey T" theme every time you lose (which will happen a lot near the end), there is no denying that this is a very creative, highly polished game. As absurd as the voice acting can be, it adds a certain charm that can’t be found in any other game of its type. And the adventurous aspect, much like that found in River City Ransom, really makes this more than just a standard beat-‘em-up RPG. Plus, the utter lack of political correctness makes it freshly comic, whether the author planned it this way or not. Annoying as heck, but worth your time.

Ranking: 3rd Place

Mr. Triangle’s Maze—

A puzzle game at its heart, and a well designed one at that. While it may seem excessive at times (some paths really aren’t necessary, as they don’t lead anywhere), you’ll find that even those things that offer no strategic advantage still add personality to the level. Plus, the level climbing aspect gives the player a reason to keep moving. It’s just fun, battles or not. And the "retry" counter forces the player to do well his first time through if he wants any reason to brag. Definitely worth your time.

Ranking: 2nd Place

One of the best entries this year and one of the best games released since Catacombs in my opinion. This one is just plain cool. It’s not an RPG. It’s not a sidescroller. It’s like a high-octane level straight out of Metal Gear, with a main character that’s anything but cushy. Definitely worth your time, though I must emphasize this game is tough.

Ranking: 1st Place

Next month, or sometime in the near to distant future, I’ll submit the second review blitz, which will focus on several of the unfinished games of Castle Paradox. Should be interesting.