Monterey Penguin Edition
A Feature by Paul Harrington and Fenrir-Lunaris

Good evening gentlemen! Welcome back to Monsterology! I am your host, Horace Alfonse Montgomery.

Each month, I will do my best to travel to the far reaches of the OHR universe to educate you, my good readers, on what sort of horrible beasts lurk in the deep reaches of space. My mission is to observe without interfering with society, so unfortunately I can't ask the natives for information. But fear not! My observation skills are keen, and I promise to bring you the truth! I have sent my reports back to my colleague on Earth, who has done his best to illustrate these wonderful animals based on my information.

This month, I followed a hero known as Monterey Penguin as he ventured through a parallel Earth. In honor of the coming of winter, I thought I should visit some place chilly, but as I tailed this penguin I found that he spent almost no time in cold climates! But nevermind, December is now Penguin Month.

I stayed out of sight as I followed him, of course. I was able to blend in well, since this world is extremely similar to Earth. No one thought twice about seeing a fine pigly gentleman such as I roam the streets.

Chiquita: A banana-type life form. On our Earth, this brand of banana is soft, tasty, and most importantly, not sentient. This world's version is slightly more murderous. They have no limbs, and move by rolling. They can coil and spring at prey as it passes, though they only do so in desperate situations. These things seem to be scavengers for the most part. They have large eyes and sharp stems, which can be used in combat. I saw some with eye patches, though I have no idea who put them on the things. Some local kid's idea of a prank?

Kitty: The cats of this world are not as long and noble as our Earth's. These ones have perfect spheres for bodies, tiny feet, and no limbs. As far as physique goes, they have more in common with rubber balls than felines, but their faces are definitely all cat. Cunning animals, these ones, and dangerous in packs.

Prairie Dog: I'm used to prairie dogs being skittish creatures that mostly avoid two-legged goliaths such as myself, but this world's are quite the opposite! They have developed, or stolen, all sorts of firearms and use them to rob travelers in desert areas. These guys are vicious. They often wear bandanas over their faces to hide their identities, but since they all look alike to me I don't really see the point.

Peep: Now this is just getting ridiculous. It seems everything I run into is similar to something on my world, only OUT FOR BLOOD. I mean, Peeps! The small, sugar-based chicken candies that taste best stale! These guys are exactly the same, except gigantic and alive. I've seen one injured, and they are indeed stuffed with sugar and not blood. One of these could feed a whole family for a week, but it wouldn't be nutritious at all.

Henway: At last, something completely unexpected. Henways are some sort of rooster-like poltergeist. Their bodies are shaped like the ghosts of the Pac World, but they have the strong, manly legs of an Earth rooster, as well as the beak and gross head thing. Their eyes are the worst part; Totally empty! Staring into this is akin to staring into a bottomless pit. It froze my heart and made me feel desperate to run away. I would not want to encounter one of these beasts at night.

Fruit Bat: Another delicious looking monster. Though it shares a name with an Earth animal, it is quite unique. The body appears to be an apple, but it has wings and feet.The wings can be tucked away behind the body, making the creature look exactly like an innocent fruit, likely to lure in prey. Similar to Walthros' Frungus. Deceptive, clever creatures.

Sand Shark: Holy God! I was following Mr. Penguin through the desert and one of these erupted out of the sand! As the name implies, they are sharks that live in sand. They can burrow at high speeds, and rip the land apart as they explode from its crust. The way they move implies that their mobility comes from more than just fins and a tail. I believe their bellies may be covered in hundreds of tiny, powerful legs. Absolutely terrifying.

DragonCow: Another literally named monster, another absolute terror. The front half of its body is that of the peaceful and noble bovine, and the back half is a scaled horror with wings the size of its body. It emits loud, barking honks to paralyze its prey and communicate with others of its kind. They fly slowly, but the mere sight of one of these things airborne is enough to make you fall down and pray for salvation. Thankfully, there are normal cows in this world as well. I'd hate to have to drink the milk of this thing.

Barney: On Earth, Barney is a slow-witted, fairly harmless Tyrannosaurus whose teeth were kept filed down so that he could be used as a play-thing for children. In this universe, he has no handlers to tame him, and he has become a tyrant. His mind and his teeth are both razor sharp, and he carries a powerful pitchfork used to skewer multiple enemies at once. He seems to have taken up the throne of the underworld, and is a foe that inspires shock and awe.

If good natured Barney could be such a horrifying beast in this universe, I shudder to think of what the rest of our Earth's celebrities may be like here. Grimace save us all if they're as frightful as this one.

That's all for this month. My mind's feeling a bit... melted. I think I might spend the next month in recovery somewhere nice and safe. Until next time, you kings of the internet!