A Review by Kitten Master
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'Loser Man!!!', a game by Spoonweaver. The concept of Loser Man already exists in animated .gif signatures, and is enforced by the description seen on Slime Salad: You are a fat superhero who woke up to find you were being robbed, You killed them and now you're mad.
At least he defended himself. This doesn't explain why he's a loser, or why he's Loser Man, though.
Your standard fare MS Paint title screen. Complete with white background, use of the circle tool to fatten up a stick figure, and a typed on letter 'L'.
Your standard fare MS Paint title screen. Complete with white background, use of the circle tool to fatten up a stick figure, and a typed on letter 'L'.
There is some contrast when you open up the game. The thing you will notice in this review is the title screen, obviously, and that he tells us to press enter which is actually kind of clever.
The 'contrast' I speak of is that you get a very kickin' tune in .ogg that greets you, which sounds really good and makes you want to stay at the title screen just to listen to it. It actually gets you pumped up and ready to go. Perfect for waking up and needing a quick boost of excitement!
And then you press enter...
The white canvas... And a bunch of darkly colored things...
And then you press enter...
The white canvas... And a bunch of darkly colored things...
And then the excitement stops. You're thrust into a room with no music, and no recollection of what had happened. The only way to know is by reading the description on Slime Salad since the game comes with no intro or readme.txt. You can see that there is a TV, machete (which you can pick up and equip) and several dead bodies which will lay there and have nothing on them. I wasn't even aware that Loser Man was robbed, and I had thought he was some sadistic serial killer that keeps dead bodies in his house.
Once you go outside, the sound track becomes the general public music that comes with the OHRRPGCE. There is now more color, but concreate tiles are still of a white canvas, and NPCs are still black and white stick figures.
Oh, so he is a serial killer!
Once you go outside, the sound track becomes the general public music that comes with the OHRRPGCE. There is now more color, but concreate tiles are still of a white canvas, and NPCs are still black and white stick figures.
Oh, so he is a serial killer!
From here, you can enter other houses and continue exploring outside. NPCs you speak to outside have the option of accepting something from you (with usually no reward) or allow you to kill them. You can kill most of the NPCs in the game in-battle, and none of them are hard at all. Inside houses, you can collect change and kill the people inside. Yes, there seems to be a pattern of killing in this game.
Viewer discretion is advised...
Viewer discretion is advised...
Now we know that our main character is heartless, and will kill anything in his path. Let's go exploring! You can see that this is a very clean suburban town with an apartment complex, as ugly as the tiles are.
It was when I entered a car vehicle that I came to realize what this game really is: A sandbox game in the same vein as GTA. You go around, stealing cars, and killing people. That explains the machete as well.
Cruising over to the All Mart while in a stolen vehicle.
It is even possible to kill the greeter, but also the shopkeepers even. Not recommended until after buying items you want.
A lot of the weapon choices make sense in a GTA game as well. Shotguns, 'flamers' (set people on fire), chainsaws, guns, grenades...
It was when I entered a car vehicle that I came to realize what this game really is: A sandbox game in the same vein as GTA. You go around, stealing cars, and killing people. That explains the machete as well.
Cruising over to the All Mart while in a stolen vehicle.
It is even possible to kill the greeter, but also the shopkeepers even. Not recommended until after buying items you want.
A lot of the weapon choices make sense in a GTA game as well. Shotguns, 'flamers' (set people on fire), chainsaws, guns, grenades...
While going around, you can shop like above and kill everyone there, causing the police to come, which you can kill as well. You can go to a bank, demand money then a robber comes and you kill as well as the cash registar and the police come which you kill again. You can go to the gas station and kill the person behind the counter for... Drugs, which I have no idea if they serve a point.
Soon, while exploring, you can come across...
...Pirates!
Gosh dangit...
The last NPC you find on the map is a dragon in the very corner. Presumably you're supposed to level up and get enough equipment to defeat it by killing everything and leveling up from doing so. Even if you do kill all of the NPCs, there are bunnies and stuff in the park you can kill, though it would likely take forever to grind from them. For the sake of getting the review completed, I F4 through the boss, but I did attempt to fight it normally, and I've decided it's beatable, but has a lot of HP and requires a healthy supply of healing items.
Oh no!
The best graphics in the game, and it's surely ripped.
Gosh dangit...
And we're rewarded with absolutely no ending for our efforts. I can interpret this emptiness as the same as Loserman's life, having killed everyone around him, and now wanders the world that is now devoid of life. Truly a loser indeed, though his only dialogue being "Press Enter" suggests that he doesn't even care at all.
My opinions: This game had an interesting premise to kill everything possible while choosing who to keep alive for when you later need them. Unfortunately, you don't need anyone except the shop keeper, and even he will fade in usefulness after awhile. Having others attack you after killing certain groups of characters is also a nice touch (such as other bikers attacking you after you kill a biker, the Police coming if you kill people in stores, etc..)
The game is just bland, though... Everything is so plain, and there is no charm to anything. Even the violence isn't executed in a humorous manner, which I am actually surprised it wasn't (though I feel that it is better that it isn't, considering this is a newbie game, and any attempts of humor tend to be... Below par.) Give this game more to do, have more consequences for keeping characters dead/alive, make it harder to get away with murder, flesh out the game's theme and atmosphere, and for goodness' sake improve the graphics and pick better music, and this concept will actually take off.
Final verdict: A true game for bored people. Nothing particularly exciting except for the title music and the song used for the pirates. You won't lose much for not playing this game.
Soon, while exploring, you can come across...
...Pirates!
You kill these pirates, just like every thing else you've skinned alive in this game. I think the leader of the pirates deserves it just for making a horrible joke about having an eyepatch as a leader, if you ask me. You end up getting bricks as your reward, which you can buy in shops anyway.
Bring the bricks to the NPC that asks for them...
Bring the bricks to the NPC that asks for them...
Gosh dangit...
So the game doesn't reward you for keeping a character alive, actually making you want to kill that character even more instead.
Before getting to the last part, the one other NPC on the map are fake vampires. There is a MAJOR bug where it goes into an infinite text loop, causing you to fight a ridiculously annoying battle over and over again. By annoying, the enemies have such high speed and are grouped up, that it takes forever for your attack to get in even after selecting it. Having a text loop like that only causes the player to be trapped, and because saving your game doesn't actually work (the game skips the loading screen), you are actually screwed and have to start all over. At all costs, do not trigger this battle without pressing F2 first.
Before getting to the last part, the one other NPC on the map are fake vampires. There is a MAJOR bug where it goes into an infinite text loop, causing you to fight a ridiculously annoying battle over and over again. By annoying, the enemies have such high speed and are grouped up, that it takes forever for your attack to get in even after selecting it. Having a text loop like that only causes the player to be trapped, and because saving your game doesn't actually work (the game skips the loading screen), you are actually screwed and have to start all over. At all costs, do not trigger this battle without pressing F2 first.
The last NPC you find on the map is a dragon in the very corner. Presumably you're supposed to level up and get enough equipment to defeat it by killing everything and leveling up from doing so. Even if you do kill all of the NPCs, there are bunnies and stuff in the park you can kill, though it would likely take forever to grind from them. For the sake of getting the review completed, I F4 through the boss, but I did attempt to fight it normally, and I've decided it's beatable, but has a lot of HP and requires a healthy supply of healing items.
Oh no!
The best graphics in the game, and it's surely ripped.
Gosh dangit...
My opinions: This game had an interesting premise to kill everything possible while choosing who to keep alive for when you later need them. Unfortunately, you don't need anyone except the shop keeper, and even he will fade in usefulness after awhile. Having others attack you after killing certain groups of characters is also a nice touch (such as other bikers attacking you after you kill a biker, the Police coming if you kill people in stores, etc..)
The game is just bland, though... Everything is so plain, and there is no charm to anything. Even the violence isn't executed in a humorous manner, which I am actually surprised it wasn't (though I feel that it is better that it isn't, considering this is a newbie game, and any attempts of humor tend to be... Below par.) Give this game more to do, have more consequences for keeping characters dead/alive, make it harder to get away with murder, flesh out the game's theme and atmosphere, and for goodness' sake improve the graphics and pick better music, and this concept will actually take off.
Final verdict: A true game for bored people. Nothing particularly exciting except for the title music and the song used for the pirates. You won't lose much for not playing this game.