The Adventure of Mr. Dude
There is something about the OHR community that baffles me.
Why is it that so many people upload their “game”
onto the Castle Paradox game list without having any kind of content in
said “game?” I could see if maybe one or
two (or ten or twenty) assholes were to blame for this phenomenon, but
it is so damn prevalent that it seems like finding a playable game is
akin to hitting 00 on a roulette table on your first bet. I
understand being excited about a project and wanting to show your
progress off, but what the hell? It’s like saying,
“Hey, man. I wrote a song! Check it
out! Well… actually I only wrote the first
chord. I’ll write some more chords at a later
date. But isn’t this one chord AWESOME?
What? You don’t like it? Well
you’re just a jealous prick!” What you
end up with is a GAME list without very many GAME(s) listed on
it. Perhaps this is the paradox that the community has built
its castle upon.
That being said, occasionally I will go against my better instincts, actually browse the list and download a random title. You never know. You could stumble upon an overlooked game that deserved way more attention than it got when it was first released. Kind of like those archaeologists who found the missing link recently. Or you could stumble upon The Adventure of Mr. Dude. Kind of like an archaeologist who unearths a fossilized turd.
I know what you are thinking: the title should have been my first warning. But I was always taught that you never judge a book by its cover. Or a game by its box-art. Just look at the first Mega Man.
At least the graphics are okay...
The game starts out with Mr. Dude sleeping in his bed. He obviously hasn’t been getting much sleep, though, because he has a boom-box stuck to the side of his head. I know, I know. He must be RADICAL if he carries a boom-box with him everywhere he goes, right? Well, NO because he neglects to turn the damn thing on. That’s right. This game, which features a protagonist who constantly carries around a device that is designed to play music, has no music.
A character named "Mr. Man" pays Mr. Dude a visit and tells him that he should go talk to the really really old man. Then he disappears. So I go outside and find four guys that look like members of the 80s Latino boy band, Menudo. Maybe they can shed some light on where Mr. Man has disappeared to! I try to talk to them but they just stand there and look at me. Maybe they don’t speak English.
Rick Martin's humble beginning.
I wander around town until I find a
conspicuously small house. I enter and find the really really
old man. Just how old is he, you ask? HILARIOUSLY
old! He tells me to go to ‘Da City’ and
find his older (ha, HA) brother. He can help me disable the
bomb! I must not have been paying attention earlier because I
had no idea that there was a bomb that needed disabling. I go
back to my house and find that Mr. Man has miraculously
reappeared. I talk to him and he joins my party for no
reason. Time to get the hell out of this town!
My sides are still aching from laughing so HARD.
I wander around the world map and find another town to the south. Of course, I can’t actually ENTER the town. I can walk on top of it. I can stare at it. I can walk away from it in disgust. That’s what I chose to do.
This maze is about as fun as it looks.
Further to the north, I find an entrance to Da Woods. Upon entering, I am informed that I have to get to the end of the maze to fight the boss but that I might want to stop at the farmer's cabin first. Will do, Random Unattached Voice! This maze is an example of horrible game design. I have seen better mazes on the back of a box of Count Chocula. Exploring this monstrosity is an exercise in tedium that leaves the player exhausted and annoyed. Puzzles are supposed to challenge the player’s deductive reasoning skills, not challenge the player’s tolerance for pain. I walk around aimlessly for a few minutes and low and behold... the farmer’s cabin! I try to enter but the author forgot to place a door. I decide to make my way to the end of the maze and face the boss without first consulting the farmer, whatever the consequences. Lucky for me, there is no boss at the end of the maze. DAMN YOU, Random Unattached Voice! Back on the world map, I make my way to the east and see what can only be Da City.
The writing in this game is about as sharp as a marble.
Once I get to Da City, I meet a guy with an extremely large head. In a HILARIOUS twist, it turns out his name is Mr. Big Head. He tells me he knows the code to disable the bomb but he forgot it. However, he also knows of another person who knows the code but he is dead. How unfortunate! And FUNNY! So Mr. Big Head also joins my party for no reason and suggests that we go to the cemetery to see the dead guy BUT FIRST I have to find the sign that tells me where the cemetery is. I search Da City until I find said sign. The sign tells me that the cemetery is to the left but the sign is fucking lying. I can't go left and now I have this big-headed freak following me everywhere I go. I wander around the world map for a little bit longer and find some more towns that I can’t enter. Then I turn the game off and delete it from my hard drive.
Even this sign is broken.
Why Madsoft Games decided to release this “game” is beyond me. Did they think that anyone would actually enjoy it? Did they think their jokes were funny? Did they think AT ALL? And to top it all off, this game has been downloaded 254 times! These days, an actual GOOD game is lucky if it breaks the 100 download count. I don’t know why, but this makes me sad. Do your part in fighting this injustice and DON’T DOWNLOAD THIS “GAME!”
That being said, occasionally I will go against my better instincts, actually browse the list and download a random title. You never know. You could stumble upon an overlooked game that deserved way more attention than it got when it was first released. Kind of like those archaeologists who found the missing link recently. Or you could stumble upon The Adventure of Mr. Dude. Kind of like an archaeologist who unearths a fossilized turd.
I know what you are thinking: the title should have been my first warning. But I was always taught that you never judge a book by its cover. Or a game by its box-art. Just look at the first Mega Man.
At least the graphics are okay...
The game starts out with Mr. Dude sleeping in his bed. He obviously hasn’t been getting much sleep, though, because he has a boom-box stuck to the side of his head. I know, I know. He must be RADICAL if he carries a boom-box with him everywhere he goes, right? Well, NO because he neglects to turn the damn thing on. That’s right. This game, which features a protagonist who constantly carries around a device that is designed to play music, has no music.
A character named "Mr. Man" pays Mr. Dude a visit and tells him that he should go talk to the really really old man. Then he disappears. So I go outside and find four guys that look like members of the 80s Latino boy band, Menudo. Maybe they can shed some light on where Mr. Man has disappeared to! I try to talk to them but they just stand there and look at me. Maybe they don’t speak English.
Rick Martin's humble beginning.
My sides are still aching from laughing so HARD.
I wander around the world map and find another town to the south. Of course, I can’t actually ENTER the town. I can walk on top of it. I can stare at it. I can walk away from it in disgust. That’s what I chose to do.
This maze is about as fun as it looks.
Further to the north, I find an entrance to Da Woods. Upon entering, I am informed that I have to get to the end of the maze to fight the boss but that I might want to stop at the farmer's cabin first. Will do, Random Unattached Voice! This maze is an example of horrible game design. I have seen better mazes on the back of a box of Count Chocula. Exploring this monstrosity is an exercise in tedium that leaves the player exhausted and annoyed. Puzzles are supposed to challenge the player’s deductive reasoning skills, not challenge the player’s tolerance for pain. I walk around aimlessly for a few minutes and low and behold... the farmer’s cabin! I try to enter but the author forgot to place a door. I decide to make my way to the end of the maze and face the boss without first consulting the farmer, whatever the consequences. Lucky for me, there is no boss at the end of the maze. DAMN YOU, Random Unattached Voice! Back on the world map, I make my way to the east and see what can only be Da City.
The writing in this game is about as sharp as a marble.
Once I get to Da City, I meet a guy with an extremely large head. In a HILARIOUS twist, it turns out his name is Mr. Big Head. He tells me he knows the code to disable the bomb but he forgot it. However, he also knows of another person who knows the code but he is dead. How unfortunate! And FUNNY! So Mr. Big Head also joins my party for no reason and suggests that we go to the cemetery to see the dead guy BUT FIRST I have to find the sign that tells me where the cemetery is. I search Da City until I find said sign. The sign tells me that the cemetery is to the left but the sign is fucking lying. I can't go left and now I have this big-headed freak following me everywhere I go. I wander around the world map for a little bit longer and find some more towns that I can’t enter. Then I turn the game off and delete it from my hard drive.
Even this sign is broken.
Why Madsoft Games decided to release this “game” is beyond me. Did they think that anyone would actually enjoy it? Did they think their jokes were funny? Did they think AT ALL? And to top it all off, this game has been downloaded 254 times! These days, an actual GOOD game is lucky if it breaks the 100 download count. I don’t know why, but this makes me sad. Do your part in fighting this injustice and DON’T DOWNLOAD THIS “GAME!”