Bob Surlaw: Man I'm hungry. Hey, it's that rabbit!
	Sock Rabbit: Why do you act so surprised? This is my house. What are you doing here?
	Bob Surlaw: The debut of Ask Surlaw in HamsterSpeak #30 was a huge hit! I'm back to see if we can recapture that gold! Besides, I'm not in any games being programmed right now, so I've got nothing else to do.
	Sock Rabbit: What about Surlaw Armageddon?
	Bob Surlaw: Ha, like that's ever getting finished! It's going to be pretty damn weird when we finally get back to shooting that one and I'm suddenly forty pounds rounder.
	Sock Rabbit: How can you afford all of the food you eat?
	Bob Surlaw: I can't! I'm in debt up to my googly eyeballs!
	Sock Rabbit: ...
	Bob Surlaw: Just kidding. It was your food. I ate everything in your fridge. The pastrami was delicious.
	Sock Rabbit: I rate you a Z. Oh jesus, it's those people again!
	Nathan Karr: I noticed that you began your journey with a sword made of stone.   How did you attain this sword? Did you find it in a dig? Was it igneous, metamorphic, or sedimentary? Do you know how such swords are made? How well did it keep its edge?
	Professor Surlaw: I did indeed find my first sword on an excavation mission, though really, calling it a sword is a technicality at best. It was old, dull, and couldn't cut a stick of butter! Really, it was more of a club than a sword, it just had a nice, comfy handle. This sword was composed of igneous rock and was likely molded over three hundred years ago. I probably shouldn't have used it as a weapon, it got busted up pretty badly. Sometimes I am a bad scientist :(
	Mr. 8-Bit: Dr. Surlaw, the ladies find me repugnant. I have done everything in my power to maintain an exceptional level of grooming, yet I still strike out. What is your secret?
	Bob Surlaw: Well, to begin with, you appear to be some kind of pope. While the ladies may find you attractive, they are likely afraid of corrupting your God-fearing ways! My suggestion is to convert. You can still lead a religion, but one more open to romance! Perhaps a rabbi is your future path maybe?
	Mr. 8-Bit: Ah, yes... but you forget that I am infallible, therefore I can try to attract all the fine women I please. If only I had as much control over their libidos as I do over the Word of God... Moving on. Do you have any suggestions for removing blood stains? A friend of mine wants to know.
	Bob Surlaw: As an adventure hero, I am often brutally stabbed and beaten. It's all part of the job! Honestly, my suggestion is just to not wear clothes. Look at me; a cape, and that's it. Keeps me warm, easy to throw out when it gets tattered, and it impresses literally everybody. No one has ever looked at it and not been impressed. Ever. Don't bother with clothes and you won't have to bother with cleaning.
	Mr. 8-Bit: Well in that case, could you suggest a work out regiment so I can build a solid core? Er... I mean, so my FRIEND can build a solid core.
	Bob Surlaw: I think it would be best to ask a friend of my own! Police Chief, do you copy?
	Police Chief: What's crackin', baby?
	Bob Surlaw: Police Chief! It's been a while. Anyway, you're looking weird. This pope friend of mine wants to know how he can get mucho macho. Any words of wisdom?
	Police Chief: Well, you don't get buff by prayin', I can tell you that! Sorry padre, but you're gonna need a new occupation. The first step is to eat all the beef you can. I suggest gettin' a job at a burger joint, that way you get a discount. Eat at least seven, maybe eight a day. Nine tops. Never less than five. Once you've eaten a cow or two, you'll feel as strong as an ox! Don't forget to run a few laps, though. If you just eat all that meat and then sit around doling out blessings, you're gonna be a mess! If you want to be a macho, macho man, you need to balance your beef eating with your muscle pumping. Lift the biggest thing you can get your hands around, and then the next day, lift something bigger. You can start out by bench-pressing a horse, and by the time you reach my level, you can lift a whole house, with one hand! Aww, yeah.
	Bob Surlaw: Grrrrg! Look at that flex! Oh god, it hurts to flex this hard!
	Police Chief: Don't overdo it. If you do, you end up yellow and you grow these weird-ass teeth, like Bob here. You don't want that. Anyway, peace. I've got the grand opening of a Little Caesar's to attend. Gonna eat fifty pounds of Crazy Bread and then bench press the Coliseum itself.
	Red Maverick Zero: Mr.Surlaw. Can I call you that? Or should I just call you Bob? Either way, I am very eager to know, what is your favorite Star Wars movie of all time, and why?
	Bob Surlaw: Either is fine. Funk Master B is also good. My favorite Star Wars movie is Episode One, Phantasm Menaces! That goofy Jar-Jar is my favorite. He reminds me soo much of myself! When people push me around or break wind in my presence I too let out a mighty HOW WUUUDE!
	Twin Hamster: Do you have a preference between living on the terrestrial, marine, or extraterrestrial worlds? And what are the perks of each?
	Bob Sciencelaw: I prefer dry land, because on dry land there are Burger Kings and Pizza Huts. The underwater chain restaurants tend to be soggy and disgusting. I don't recommend them. The only good thing about marine life is being able to avoid the politics of dry life. Some of the people up here are insane! I like to visit space, but I'd hate to live there, what with all the Klingons trying to kill me and Ferengi trying to scam me. No, I think I'll stay on Walthros. Fun for a vacation, though. The final funtier!!
	Uncommon: Funk Master B, so how do you spend your time when you aren't adventuring or archaeologizing?
	Bob Surlaw: I love to eat!! Do you have any idea how much fried chicken I could eat in one day? More than you, I'll tell you that. More than ANY OF YOU. While eating I like playing video games. My favorite Street Fighter is Zangief.
	Uncommon: Have you ever tried entering in any kind of eating contest?
	Bob Surlaw: Indeed! I've won seven. The last put me in the hospital for three weeks. The doctor said I couldn't keep up this lifestyle. My arteries do kind of hurt, to be honest.
	Uncommon: With Surlaw Chef done, you think you might spend more time on the other side of the counter for a while?
	Bob Surlaw: My cooking days may be over now that I've won enough cash money to hire servants for life. I hear Walrus Man may be setting out on the road again, though...
	RMZ: I produced OHR House Heroes, but I never found out what happened to you after it ended. You and the plip went on an adventure, or at least you implied this. Where did you go? And what did you do?
	Bob Surlaw: To be completely honest, I ended up using that creature as an ingredient in a cooking contest I entered after the show ended. I'm sorry. Rest in peace, little dude. I won, at least.
	RMZ: What?! But... he was your buddy...
	Bob Surlaw: Desperate times call for desperate measures. I think he'd be proud of me, though. I asked that the trophy be Plip shaped in his honor. It's not like this is the first time I've tried to eat a friend, just ask Gulob. It's just the first time I succeeded.
	Fenrir: Congratulations on your successful minigame in House Heroes. Your cooking skills are both fantastic and terrifying. What is your secret, Space Creature?
	Bob Surlaw: Thank you, though success is in the eye of the beholder, and I don't think too many people have beheld my cooking adventure yet :( I have no secrets! Transparency is a big part of my administration. What you see is what you get. I use lots of cheese. Cooking for everyone was my favorite part of the show. My least favorite part was somehow coming down with the jaundice. Seriously, look at how discolored my fins got! They were orange! I'm all better now though.
	Fenrir: Cheese is fantastic! And you cook a grilled, melted cheeseburger like nobody's business! Sam wasn't too keen on it though. You'd think a guy who spends his time on a farm would come to appreciate the rich texture of healthy prime beef... But I had always suspected you had jaundice from the start - you're yellow for crying out loud! I've heard it can arise from kidney complications? But then again, my knowledge of Walthrosian anatomy is a bit off - the last I heard you guys were able to float around as if your swim bladders were filled with Hydrogen? We'll have to send a more detailed probe your way in the next few months (hint hint).
	Bob Surlaw: I certainly have had kidney complications, but that is unrelated to my soft yellow flesh and is a story for another time. Swim bladders? I don't know what that is. We float on dry land because of PSYCHIC POWER, or as some on Earth call it, PSYCHO POWER. The Earth King M. Bison uses that and no one accuses him of having bladder problems!
	Fenrir: Speaking of PSYCHO(s) you and I seem to have fought more than our fair share of villains. Which one has been your favorite, and why?
	Bob Surlaw: Dr. Mu is the most stylish, but I really hated those times when he'd turn into a giant orange tentacle demon from hell and try to strangle me; those times were bad times. He hasn't done that in a long time, though. If I were a bad guy, I'd recruit him!
	Fenrir: Dr. Mu? Actually, I think tha-
	Fenrir: GAAAARNARBARBLEBARBLEBARLE! I am stabbed and dead!!
	Bob Surlaw: Holy crap, dude! That red dog-cat thing was just stabbed to death right before our very eyes! Who could have done such a thing?! How did we not notice?
	Sock Rabbit: You've got to be kidding me. I leave you alone for one minute, and you brutally murder one of our house guests. Nice going, Bob Surlaw. You've ruined everyone's day.
	Bob Surlaw: What?! But it wasn't me! I swear!
	Sock Rabbit.: Tell it to the judge. Hello, police? I'd like to order the arrest of one murderer, please. Sure, I can wait 15 minutes. He's not going anywhere.

And so, Bob Surlaw was arrested for the brutal and senseless killing of one Fenrir J. Lunaris. Police Chief may be Surlaw's best friend, but even he could not turn a blind eye to the truth as he carried the squealing fish away in handcuffs. Bob will spend a month waiting for a judge of the Walthrosian court to begin his trial. In that time, he will be held in a maximum security prison, as he may be a danger to himself and others. Be sure to send him your letters! Bye.