Walthrosian Senate Race 2010 - The Response
A Feature by Paul Harrington

Bob Surlaw: What's crackin', loyal constituents? It's been a little over a month since I won the election and I'm ready to be sworn in as the next member of the Walthrosian Senate on January 4th! I hope you enjoyed my acceptance speech in the previous issue! I've decided to get things started by reading some fan mail from readers both real and fictitious.

Congratulations to Sen. Surlaw on a successful campaign. While I have yet to receive my free pizza delivery as promised in return for my vote, I understand that the lame duck session needs to end before it can be served as a topping. But Surlaw, don't let your voters down - that red cape seems awfully conservative, and I voted for you largely on your flamboyance. Senator, a question - who should have more representation in Congress, salty or freshwater fish? It worries me that you advocate for your cousins ending up on plates. Your hungry constituent, The Queen of All Cosmos

Bob Surlaw: Dear Queen, I'm a big fan of your music. Don't worry, I plan on appointing a bevy of macho men to my cabinet who will make sure to keep my campaign promises moving and my supporters pumped up. Have you seen what the musclemen wear? Ain't nothing conservative there!! I do not advocate the eating of any form of fish with the ability to speak. Just remember kids; when it comes to pizza, FISH STINKS!

Cher Editeur: Je suis très en colère au sujet de la sélection des Surlaw! Il a promis plus de liberté pour les grenouilles, mais il nous laisser tomber! Nous sommes Walthrosians trop - même les plus grands d'entre nous. Down avec SURLAW! Respondez s'il-vous plait: Pourquoi avez-vous abandonné les grenouilles très grand? Sincerement, Le Tres Grande Grenouille

Bob Surlaw: Sacre bleu!!

Surlaw, I am proud to have voted for you. I hope you legalize the use of animal growth hormones. I have grown tired of pumping iron on my own and these would be an excellent supplement to my busy days on the farm. With the way things have gone lately, I simply can't bring home the bacon like I used to. Your friend, Porkloin

Bob Surlaw: Sacre bleu!!

Senator elect Bob Surlaw, as one of only 25 senators on planet Walthros you have a lot of say in how to allocate funding for education and the sciences. As a scientist in the field of robotics, I labor daily to advance the living conditions of every mammal, fish, bird, and reptile on this planet for little to no reward. You may say that the fruits of my labor are reward enough in and of themselves, but I'm so poorly paid I've been eating out of dumpsters lately. Help me! Donatello

Bob Surlaw: Science is for geeks, man. Perhaps you'd consider a career change to the pizza industry? You have a nice face, I think you'd make an excellent spokesperson!

Yo, I like you rimes. Aint never vote for no presidant before but I glad you win, ye. I had serjury last year on my head. Thanx for been their for me. I will vote for you next year in 2014 to. I like voting now. Jarjarin

Bob Surlaw: This spelling, this grammar... pee-usa! Thanks for voting, see you next time!! Thanks for writing in, everyone! I never would have made it this far without you. Be sure to watch live senate coverage over the next month on the WBTV network, I'll flex and point at the camera whenever it's on me and then post my best moments online. You're all beautiful.