Cardblorp: The Memoir of Bob Surlaw
A Story by Bob Surlaw

Chapter 1: Gray

When I woke up I smelt somethin bad. Looked in the sky: RAIN. But no ordinary rain. It gray, and it stank. Whaaat? I stayed home that day.

Bout an hour later there was aknocw at my door. KNOCK KNOCK went the door? Who was it? It was Salom.

"Salom, what you beepin' at?" I bloated at my friend.

"Bob Surlaw, the world has gone monochrome!" Salom barfed.

Bob Surlaw: "Aw hell naw, you gotta be kidding me! After we worked so hard to color the world."

Yeah, the color's all gone, said Mr. Salom Lancoven, Private Eye.

I opened my fridge. My orange juice had gone gray. someone was going to pay the piper!!

Chapter 2: Stinkin up the Dance Floor

After I hosed off my filth I got in Salom's Benz. Rain has stopped, but it's still damp and the ground smells!!

Salom has a license so he drove to Blueberry's (Blueberry is a blue colored mouse, years ago, in 2002, he helped us save the world, he then helped a different save the world in 2004, and opened a discotheque after getting REAL rich) dance club because it is the most colorufl place we knew.

"You Blueberry, what UP?" That was me.

"I'm not Blueberry, it's me,Grape!" With all of the colors gone I couldn't tell them apart, I'm sorry, they're mice.

"Where Blueberry at?" "Huh?"

"This is his dance club right??" I asked a question!!

"Um no this is a bakery Bob Surlaw, try next door."

Chapter 3: Past Tense

The clue was a dead end so we went and got something to eat.

"Big Beefy Pizza, please," I said to a sasquatch with a hairnet.

"This is a burger restaurant, bro." That's what he said, and I barfed with rage! He wouldn't know a good pizza if it smack he in the head.

"Calm down Bob Surlaw!!" Salom was the voice of reason, the Good Cop

"OK you're right, I'll have a burger please" "what kind of burger?" "hamburger" "comingright up"

After we ate we talked about memories. "Salom remember the time we were heroes and we traveled around with a worm?" Salom asked

"I don't remember that all." I let him know.

"His name was Glob, he was super fly, he had all kinds of offers from commercials and got his own line of sneakers"

Oh right that guy, "I remember him all. I paid for his robotics experiments and he blew up his own city on accident, robots are super stupid, they all ways go wrong,."

"Yeah" Salom said yeah.

Chapter 4: Mange

Remember the time I had fleas? SUPER SICK. :(

The street swere cold with no colors, no golden bricks, no green villages, nothing, it was BORING. The last time we had to have a Bob Surlaw Quest for Color we opened random boxes until it all worked out. I had a good feeling!!

"Quit burpin man,it smells like eggs" Salom broke me out of my stupor.

So I said "Sorry I get gassy when I'm nervous" I said so.

"Who's the baddest in the world"?

I thought for a moment. It was definitely Super Walrus Man right?

"What ? no, you dumb idiot. It's HARPOON."

"Who dat?" "The guy standing RIGHT THERE!!"

Chapter 5: War to end all Wars

Harpoon stabbed me in the face and I died. Salom brought me back to life.

Take that!! I hit him in da eye wit a rock.

"HURRRG" hurrged Harpoon.

Salom yelled out in triumph "Now this is a battle scene! Hooah!"

Harpoon barfed fire at him. Salom fell down dead. I brought him back to life."Now we're even." and then I put on sunglasses.

I knew we couldn't do this alone!! I called Collect LOL HOW'S THAT FOR A CALL BACK? and called Dinosaur Triple, they came in a flash.

Dinosaur Giant knocked over Harpoon Dinosaur Super Froze Him Dinosaur Micro used his small size to enter through his ear and damage hs brain.

We won!! It's all because I was here.


Chapter 6: Androids Destroyed

We waved b ye bye and Dinosaur Triple left to go home to their home on Dinosaur Island.

Then we noticed when Harpoon fell down and died this time he landed on Salom's Car!! So Salom slapped me silly and then it was on on footy from there but not really because I can levitate and I don't have legs anyway and Salom has wings.

"You screwed up big this time Bob Surlaw" Salom, he was giving me the Stink Eye!

:What I do?! Harpoon, he dead" I hooted.

"Harpoon is gone but the world is still moonochromic! You did it didn't you" "nah wasn't me" "oh ok" I thought about Super Walrus Man before fighting Harpoon so he was our next clue.

When we attived at his house Super Walrus Man was a robot!! "BEEP BEEP" it spoke "BEEP BEEP"

"Um that is a robot it is not Super Walrus MAN." Slaom wrapped a pool stick across this robot's head. The real Walrus Man appeared! He was inside the robot. "YOU BROKE MY new ARMOR" So we said "Whoops!" and ran away.

Chapter 7: Gardening

Saving the world is important and fixing the colors is important but gardening is important too.

Salom went to the toilet!! I didn't want him doing it in my house so he went home for now in the meantime gardening is important too.

I had planet four crops this year, eggpants, yams, peppers, green beams. One of the peppers had fully grown and it was bigger than me?

"Uh LOL this is weird" I let him know, I think the pepper was a he, so I called him Mr. Pepper. "Mr. Pepper, are you happy living here?"

He couldn't speak because he was a pepper but a silent tear rolled down he cheak so I said "I understand! I will help you dfind a new home." I put an add on Craigslist and went to bed and then Salom got back so we went out.

Chapter 8: Library

We went to the library but we didn't have a car so we took a bus and I got robbed on the way over. It was Salom that robbed me. I'll get him back later, haha, not, just kiding, I let him borrow some money because I felt bad because I told him to GO HOME don't use MY toilet

We read a book on finances, there might be a reason for money for someone to turn the world black and white right? And someone used a YUK as a bookmark!! UGH!! A Yuk is sort of like a snake but not ugly and they sit upright on their tails so it's like the snakes from the Super Mario Brothers 2 game but they stand on theri tails and they green

We kept reading.It was exciting! what would we learn next?"

Nothig. We learned nothing so we went out

Chapter 9: The Internet

I threw the book in the trash and went to the computer: "Hey Salom let's post on the internet!"

Salom Lancoven: "This is a bad idea."

Bob Surlaw: "It is a good idea!"

Salom Lancoven: "Barf. No. The internet is stupid, people will tell us we are stupid."

Bob Surlaw: "You are stupid Salom! Now the deed is done and we can go post on the internet."

Salom Lancoven: "Threw a lightning bolt at Bob Surlaw and the computer and it was destroyed."

Bob Surlaw: "The internet can't be used without a computer."

Salom Lancovern: "Yeah so let's go somewhere else."

Chapter 10: Lazy Summer Days

"Salom how did we get here?" I shook and dropped dead. Salom revived me. "Why are we on a rollercoaster?"

Salom oozed in a circle "It's something to do and it wilkl get our brains going, shake them up like orange jice"

ORANGE JUICE. Myorange juice had been ruined by what the thing is that turned the world gray and I got SUPER MAD so I jumped out and suplexed the entire rollercoaster, Salom got out at the last minute but everyone else couldn't escape.

The cops talked to me for hours and then beat me but then let me go because they reaslized it was an accident. I left the police station and found Salom asleep in a cardboard box. Carbord is the inspiration for the title of this book.

"What we do now? We already eat and went to the amusement park and toilet and garden and library and fought Harpoon." Salom was right

All that's left now is tot save the day!! "Where" Salom sai "How" Salom sa "WHY" Salom s

Chapter 11: Achilles' Heel

I was eating a bababa when out of NOWHERE gorrilla punch me upside the head. It was Bojo.

"Galll daaang, what wit you?" I squinted my eyes and looked really cool!! Bojo roared, and the send "I am sick of your cellerbrity status you are below me in my eyes' and he was right, I'm way shorter than him

He roll me up in a ball and slam dunked me through the town hall basketball net. This was too much! SALOM HELP ME

"Salom helps those what wit help himself!!" Salom said that while he was busy flrting with babes. What a chump I am beaten up by a chimp! FROM DOWN TOWN, Bojo shot a three-pointer and I WAS STILL THE BALL. Other guys joined in the game, there was a mouse but I couldn't tell if it was Ketchup or Mustard or Blueberry or Ice Cream of Grape AGAIN because of the black and white thing. There was also Dinosaur Giant AGIN and Slosh, SICK.

Slosh won the game.

Chapter 12: Scottie

Ughhhh just look at the title of this chapter you know what up

Scottie is like me he is a fish that can float and he is yellow we are both yellow but right now I am GRAY because all the colors are gone but then WHAAAT Scottie rolls up in a humvee and he's still yellow!!

Salom got mad too because he HATES Scottie! "Hellow Scottie how are you" Salom asked this.

"I'm yello!" YES WE KNOW.

"WHYYYYYYYY" I fell on my knees.

A monologue: "Because I am rich and you are poor Bob Surlaw, by being born into wealth I am a good person and by being the son of a mule farmer you are dirty and smelly and you are only liked by mules. I hused my money to go back to normal and you should do the same hting but YOU GOT NONE!"

Salom was the one to show hom who boss. "Scottie the problem is you cannod tell a donkay from mule, HERE YOU GO" and Donkey Kong shot out of his fist and Scotty went down cold! Salom is a Regulator.

Chapter 13: Barbershop

We now we are near the end because this story is 15 chapters long so we went to get good looking before the finale.

The barber is BROT. BROT is a Ralz. Ralz have no arms they use face tentacle as a some kind of as a hand. THEY ARE NOT MADE OF WOOd. They have nice hairdos. BROT has an afro. I wanted one too. "But fish don't have hair" said the guy wiht all the hair!

I cried and then wept "But I want to be cool too BROT" so he took a sharpie and drew squigle hair on my head and face "now you have hair"

I smiled a"but FISH DON"T HAVE HAIR so now you can no longer breathe underwater too"nd said "thank you BROT!"

"WHAT?" I stared at the sea longingly. I coul never return home again until I wash my face

Salomgot he beard cut like Captain Sisko. The Thong Song was playing in background of the scene it was time to roll out.

Chapter 14: Final Fight

I shot Harpoon up wit lightning bolts!! He died Dinosaur Giant flung his body Harppon's body I mean not Dinosaur Giant's at the FLAPS that were attacking, these things are BIG SNAILS WITH WINGS and they are super scary!

Salom fought forty men at once and burn them all with dat build-on flametrower!! He EVEN BEAT ELEC MAN

Dinosaur Super fought Grimace!! Micro was controlling Grimace as a robot MICRO HAD BETRTYED US but it was all mind control from the moon so Scottie blew up the moon and now we had our own free Grimace Robot and Walrus Man piloted it next and us it to beat AIR MAN.

Next a PINK DOG showed up and I said stop interfarring with our planet Nathan Karr and he smile and beamed out and KLINGONS took his place but they were quickly beaten up by all FIVE mice that I can't tell one from the other when they are shown in black and white color schales. also a yo ghost was there

a guinea pig colored like a cow I can tell this one because cows are black and white showed up and said "yall done good" then he fired a laser beam right at Slosh and sloch blowed up and swamp water went everwhere and then a CAT WITH A WORD use his blade to cut all the bad robots in half and the world blew up!!

And then everything was in color again and I drank my organge juice.

Chapter 15: Modern Times

They say I got brain damage in the fight but I dont know bout that, I feel fine aND I"M WIRITING THUISBOOK AINT I?

I retired to Scotland and ran for senate Scottie isn't in Scotland i'ts just a name and so I felt ok there and I won and became a senator and Ipuished for anchovie bans and LOST but oh well I get to sleep in my office for free now and I get paid to do sleep.

I miss the ocean but I have a big beardnow and it's wicked cool!! Salom come by some time

I miss you

I just drank another glass of organge juice and guess wat

I don't even really like orange juice.