Surlaw - The Vindication
A Feature by Paul Harrington
last month's HamsterSpeak, Senator Gohrilla Proboscis accused newly
elected Senator Bob Surlaw of being a lazy good-for-nothing who cared
more about cheese and sauce than protecting truth, liberty, and the
right to boss around the little people. A special recall election was
held to decide whether or not to toss Bob back in the lake, and now,
the results are in. By a vote of 12 to 9, Bob Surlaw will REMAIN in his position in the senate
for the remainder of his term.
When reached for comment, Surlaw said that he "Expected this. After
all, I am one radical dude, and gorillas are bogus. Go back to playing
with your thumbs, Mr. Senator. I've got beef to eat."
Senator Proboscis refused to answer our calls but posted a message to
his Facebook fans: "Walthros is doomed. With men like Surlaw in charge,
we're going to spend the next decade moving backwards. What was once a
proud institution now looks like a zoo run by a bunch of Yuks.
Disgraceful. Please send your donations of $25, $50, $100, or $500 to
defeat Surlaw in 2012."
When asked if he would be running for reelection in 2012, Surlaw winked
and held a mask of President Hoover, the planet's first Seal president,
over his face and belched. Analysts are unsure of what this may imply.
He later claimed it was not a wink, but a reaction to a piece of
pastrami that had become wedged under his eyelid.